Feelings of dread

To say I've been busy is a horrid understatement. Since my last entry, I've spent a week in the Bay Area for work, had my older daughter lose a first tooth, celebrated my 34th birthday, celebrated my younger daughter's 4th birthday (several times, actually), went to two fall festivals, attended a kindergarten field trip to a farm and threw a party. You'd think I'd be spending this weekend in a pretty blissful state of quiet. Nope.

I'm held by a few confidentiality agreements, but without saying too much, it feels like so many of my friends and family are losing their jobs. It's hard to not worry about when our family's "other shoe" will drop. We're doing okay financially. Our Christmas should be good. We're heading down to Disney World. I'm not complaining in the slightest. Though I suddenly feel strongly that I should be dedicating a set amount of time each week to work on the book I've started. There may come a day when I'm desperate for that income.

While one specific friend is trying to keep her spirits high, when I saw her today and she told me her husband was laid off, I could see anxiety and tears just below the surface. I really want to take her out to dinner just to talk, but I wouldn't want to ask her to spend needless money and I don't want it to seem like I'm pitying her by paying. Maybe it should be a cup of coffee, so there's no big expense. I don't know...but I want to hug her. Her kiddos were with her, so I knew she had to put on a strong face. I feel so bad. :-(

While my husband and I have our jobs, I just feel so dreadful. I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I have huge bags of Halloween candy that comfort me in the way of killing me.

Why do these things always happen right around the holidays? I just feel so bad.

Happy Birthday to hubby!

I'm thankful to report that our first round of fillings went really well. There was so anxious crying the morning of, but overall, the complaints have been minimal. Today we made our way over to Build-A-Bear workshop for a little reward. I'd really like to get off this bribing system for dental visits, but since I've got another appointment to go, I'll hang in there and keep my trap shut!

Today is my hubby's birthday and he's spent it with his sister, brother-in-law, two nieces, mom, mother-in-law, father-in-law, two daughters, me and two friends from Australian. Once upon a time, he would have balked about all the extra obligation on "his"day. But this year, he seemed genuinely grateful to have everyone around celebrating with him.

We had muffins for an early breakfast and a big brunch. Most of the family left and he, very open hearted, spent the next several hours with our international friends, walking around Broadway at the Beach. When we parted (they'll be traveling on tomorrow) he sincerely thanked them for visiting.

Normally family visits stress me out. I procrastinate in cleaning. I over-think schedules and overwork menus. Everything has to be *just so*. In short, I drive myself nuts. When one thing derails any part of it, I, personally derail. This weekend I made decisions that were good for me, and ultimately ended up being good for others. I went with the proverbial flow. I enjoyed the company of our guests. As a result, everyone involved walked away feeling content and pleased.

It's hubby's birthday, but I believe we're both growing up!